Like so many other women who have been told the devastating news that they have breast cancer, I have a story.

It really doesn't matter your age, life situation or career status, hearing the words "breast cancer" applied to you is unfathomable. The word "surreal" kept entering my head. My life became a Salvador Dali painting; everything upside down and backwards.

I was first diagnosed with cancer in March 1999. Each update I received about my disease was worse than the last. According to the biopsy pathology report the cancer was not invasive, meaning that it hadn't spread outside the breast ducts. A simple mastectomy was the answer. During the surgery the doctors had some suspicions that the cancer had spread, so some of my lymph nodes were removed. It turned out that the biopsy missed that the disease had spread outside the breast. A missed diagnosis such as this happens in two per cent of all cases. Because cancer was found in four of my lymph nodes, aggressive chemotherapy was recommended. I decided that this was my best option and endured six months of poisons to kill the cancer cells. The treatment seems to be worse than the disease. I never felt sick or weak with cancer, but once chemo began my hair fell out, my white blood cell count plummeted and I felt like I had the worst flu of my life for six months straight. There were times that I refused to take my pills between the intravenous chemotherapy. Not only did I have to take antibiotics twice a day for the duration of the treatment, but also had to swallow five chemotherapy pills each day for two weeks each month. I still remember the candy-like sound the pills made in the plastic bottle. Anti-nausea drugs, steroids and others were also part of my medicinal menu.

Later there was radiation therapy to kill residual cancer cells that can live in scar tissue where chemotherapy can't reach. Treatments were scheduled five days a week for five weeks. Compared to chemo, these were a cakewalk.

My life changed forever but I was ready to begin again. I put the cancer behind me and, as the months passed, there would be half-hour intervals where I totally forgot that I had ever had cancer.

I decided that one of my callings in life was to educate other women about breast health. Some good had to come out of my situation. I spoke with groups of women, including 800 at the 1999 Titz 'n Glitz event.

I continued to speak but wanted to be better trained to answer questions and teach women the proper method of breast self exam. I took a few courses to give me these skills.

After I had enrolled and during my preparations to leave for a course in January 2001, I found two more lumps. This time they were on the opposite side body and in the middle of my chest. I once again experienced the good and bad the medical system offers. After being diagnosed with breast cancer a second time, I wondered if it would ever end. This time, I have been told that it will never be over. I deal with this day-by-day.

The mind does strange things. Deep realizations began to flood my thoughts. They seemed to spring from nowhere. In my rush to get through my life I had neglected myself. Now I had to listen.

My first and most profound realization was very simple. I have the choice to be positive or negative. I choose to be positive. This does not mean wandering aimlessly through life with my head in the clouds. It means that we all have the power to choose our attitude.

Someone once said that I have been dealt a bad hand. I said that I have actually been dealt a very good one, but with a few bad cards that I'm waiting to discard. Having cancer changes your life forever, but having cancer shouldn't consume your life.

Many people have called me brave. I tend to shrug it off. I tell them that all people have the capacity to be brave; they just haven't been tested yet. Survival instincts are innate. We want to live. I suppose the real question is, how do we want to live? When faced with trauma, how do we react? Some people stare fear in the face. Others cringe, turn away and try to ignore whatever they fear. Still others take fear to the next level and learn from their situation.

Knowledge, realization and wisdom have different definitions but they are all related. One leads to another, if you're lucky. The intense realizations I have had, I believe, make me wiser. Wisdom is knowing yourself, what ís important and not straying too far without being able to pull yourself back to reality.

Once in a while I find myself returning to old patterns. I don't listen to the wise words in my mind. When this happens my body tells me that I'm going too fast or doing too much. I have learned to listen closely.

Prior to being diagnosed (or BC for "before cancer"), I'd get angry if I got lost on a road trip, concerned about being late. Now, I choose to think about all the wonderful sights that taking the wrong road can show me.