Staff at The Bean Scoop Review Coffee-Flavoured Gum
mindful of new trends, we at the Bean Scoop have taken
it upon ourselves to investigate the new coffee-flavoured
gum which has quietly appeared at the candy counter. The
phrase "what will they think of next?" certainly comes
to mind. Why, one might imagine development and marketing
sectors running amok, incestuously breeding products in
an effort to create work for themselves. Next thing you
know they'll come up with green ketchup.
In the interest of assisting our learned and manipulative
corporate leaders we, at The Bean Scoop, have conducted
some product research on the coffee-flavoured gum. We
gave pieces out freely to willing participants.
(Please note that no animals were used in this experiment
– although, one little girl spat out her gum at the park
and an enterprising German Shepherd picked it up in his
teeth. Before the dog could swallow, he licked a Daschund
named Crackers and the gum got stuck on Crackers' butt.
It was, apparently, quite an ordeal to keep the short-haired
Daschund calm while his owner shaved the gum off with
a straight razor. The patch of bare skin bothered Crackers
and he compulsively licked the spot for a few days thereby
developing a rash. Besides that, our testing was uneventful.)
ANYWAY, here are some of our results:
Myles: It's horrible. High ranking in "Things that taste
bad; lifetime list". Buy your packages now – they'll soon
be gone forever.
Sophie's Mom: I found it left Sophie smelling like the
dregs of a coffee pot left on a burner for too long. Don't
we chew gum to freshen our breath? She liked the taste.
Comments from the Green Hornets, under seven, soccer team:
"Tastes like that Starbucks frosty thing." "Can I spit
it out?" "Don't ever give me that again." It's good, kinda
coffee and chocolate."
Gord: It's good.
Doug (age 6): The best gum I ever had in my whole entire
life. Got anymore?
María: No me gusta.
Mark: It is weird that they made coffee-flavoured gum.
I think they are going out of business and that's why
they made the flavour so weird. What will the next flavour
be – vegetable?
Kara: It doesn't really taste at all like coffee. It basically
tastes like mint but sweeter. Not one of my favourite
Brian: I find this very interesting. A tad sweeter than
a cappuccino but that's to be expected.
Note: if the company who makes the gum would like access
to the complete study results they should contact us here
at The Scoop and be prepared to pay the $4.23 we invested
in their product. As well, they might consider offering
Crackers an apology and a kiss better.