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The Scoop!
The Staff at The Bean Scoop Review Coffee-Flavoured Gum


Ever mindful of new trends, we at the Bean Scoop have taken it upon ourselves to investigate the new coffee-flavoured gum which has quietly appeared at the candy counter. The phrase "what will they think of next?" certainly comes to mind. Why, one might imagine development and marketing sectors running amok, incestuously breeding products in an effort to create work for themselves. Next thing you know they'll come up with green ketchup.

In the interest of assisting our learned and manipulative corporate leaders we, at The Bean Scoop, have conducted some product research on the coffee-flavoured gum. We gave pieces out freely to willing participants.

(Please note that no animals were used in this experiment – although, one little girl spat out her gum at the park and an enterprising German Shepherd picked it up in his teeth. Before the dog could swallow, he licked a Daschund named Crackers and the gum got stuck on Crackers' butt. It was, apparently, quite an ordeal to keep the short-haired Daschund calm while his owner shaved the gum off with a straight razor. The patch of bare skin bothered Crackers and he compulsively licked the spot for a few days thereby developing a rash. Besides that, our testing was uneventful.)

ANYWAY, here are some of our results:

Myles: It's horrible. High ranking in "Things that taste bad; lifetime list". Buy your packages now – they'll soon be gone forever.

Sophie's Mom: I found it left Sophie smelling like the dregs of a coffee pot left on a burner for too long. Don't we chew gum to freshen our breath? She liked the taste.

Comments from the Green Hornets, under seven, soccer team: "Tastes like that Starbucks frosty thing." "Can I spit it out?" "Don't ever give me that again." It's good, kinda coffee and chocolate."

Gord: It's good.

Doug (age 6): The best gum I ever had in my whole entire life. Got anymore?

María: No me gusta.

Mark: It is weird that they made coffee-flavoured gum. I think they are going out of business and that's why they made the flavour so weird. What will the next flavour be – vegetable?

Kara: It doesn't really taste at all like coffee. It basically tastes like mint but sweeter. Not one of my favourite choice

Brian: I find this very interesting. A tad sweeter than a cappuccino but that's to be expected.

Note: if the company who makes the gum would like access to the complete study results they should contact us here at The Scoop and be prepared to pay the $4.23 we invested in their product. As well, they might consider offering Crackers an apology and a kiss better.


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